Being around women and observing women my entire life has taught me many things about them. Not only has my professional and personal experiences taught me about other women, it has taught me hard lessons about myself.
Women are multifaceted, multidimensional and complex in many ways. Although we travel different paths, many of us are seeking the same destination.
The destination of finding peace, happiness and sense of personal fulfillment in our lives. I have been both fascinated and astonished how women can treat each other at times.
In my own life’s journey, I have witnessed women attempt to destroy each other. I have experienced it happening to me in my own life. This can happen in public, most often times it is done in the cloak of secrecy behind the other woman’s back.
It has always been confusing to me how some women can do this to each other when we are all wishing to get to the same place. As a registered nurse, I travel all over the country. I have a very outgoing personality and have met with a interviewed hundreds of women from all over the country.
Some time ago, I started a single’s networking group and I have seen first hand, how some women go after each other in the quest for male attention. I am not being judgmental in my observation, just stating the facts.
Many times I have been the target of such mean and calculated behavior, just as many other women have as well. Whether it comes in the form of thinking negative thoughts about a certain woman, gossiping about her to others, giving her the classic “eye roll” when she walks into the room or the all out manipulated plan to destroy her, the intent is the same.
The intention is to tear down another human being that is perceived as a threat.
Over the years, I’ve tried to understand this phenomenon as I have witnessed it happen to others and have experienced it in my own life. I have come to learn that there is a general theme that appears.. When we tear down other women, we tear ourselves down.
Tearing another woman down has very little to do with the way we feel about the other woman, it is more about how we feel about ourselves. Tearing down another human being isn’t about how we view the other person, it is more about a mirrored reflection of how we view ourselves.
People by nature are competitive and there is nothing wrong with healthy competition. Competition is what keeps us sharp and on our toes. It is what helps us step up our game and become better versions of ourselves.
Men are great at competing. When men compete for a job, or on the basketball court or football field, they openly compete, slay each other, have a beer afterwards, gloat and laugh about it and it’s over. It is NOT personal.
On the other hand, women’s interactions with other women are almost always personal. Those interactions are many times, though not always, internalized and often seen as some type of comparison and negative and often inaccurate reflections upon ones’ s self image. This is very hurtful and self defeating. Whether it is competing for attention, a job, or promotion.
In my opinion, women are not encouraged to openly compete because it seen as a form of aggression. Throughout our society, woman just haven’t had much experience dealing with how to handle competition in a helpful, non hurtful and healthy way.
Now if you add to that the attempt of trying to gain male attention, and that is a whole different blog post.
If another woman is seen as prettier, smarter or confident, some other woman will immediately see her as a threat BEFORE she even opens her mouth. They will immediately, start to mentally or psychologically start to bring her down in attempt to make the other woman appear smaller.
If you are the one that is seen as somehow prettier, smarter, stronger or more confident, you by the very nature of just being who you are will make some other people feel a certain way about themselves as they mentally compare themselves to you.
They will be confronted by the insecurities they have about themselves and where they are in their lives at that moment. They will start to compare themselves to you and see you as a threat.
It isn’t anything that you have necessarily done to the other person, UNLESS you happen to be arrogant and are not a very nice person. If you have been open, honest and kind to the women around you, there will be woman who will not like you because they don’t like themselves at that point in their lives.
So the best thing you can do is try not to take it personally and keep being who you are, but watch your circle as you navigate this potential landmine.
The take away in this article isn’t to point fingers but to highlight a HUGE and DAMAGING issue in our society. I write about issues that I am most passionate about.
I see far to many women tear each other down either secretly or in public. They somehow feel that by tearing another woman down, it will make them appear larger or feel better about themselves; However, here’s the cold hard truth, we get back from the universe what we put into it.
If we put negative energy into the universe by tearing down another human being, negative energy will always be what we get in our own lives because it’s all we know how to create.
When we all as women start to learn from each other in order to build together instead of tearing each other down, women can literally change the world.
It is my hope that as women, we learn to stop hating on each other, as we all want to arrive at the same destination in our lives. Every one has a personal and private struggle that no one else knows about.
The person that other women see as more strong, more successful, more attractive, more confident or more whatever, has struggles and challenges that other women don’t get to see. Her struggles aren’t any different than yours, she just handles them differently.
When we start seeing other women as individuals who may have chosen a different path than our own, we learn TOLERANCE. When we learn that other women have their own private struggles that we know nothing about, we learn COMPASSION.
When we learn that ALL women have certain gifts that are there for us to tap into and cultivate into our own unique kind of greatness in our own lives, we learn CREATIVITY.
When we learn that we all have our issues that we must deal with, we learn ACCEPTANCE. When we learn to accept all of our imperfections as human beings, we finally learn SELF-LOVE.
When we stop judging another woman’s journey and harshly judging our own, we will finally be free to be genuinely be happy for the other women in our lives and for ourselves.
We all have our own unique gifts and abilities to give to the world around us. The key is uncovering our very own gifts and learning to develop them. We must be so busy developing ourselves that we don’t have time to worry about someone else’s greatness.
Every woman has her very own brand of beauty and her very own brand of glory. There is no need to tarnish another Queen’s crown when you have your own crown to wear and embellish.
Work it Queen!
I would love to know your thoughts and experiences on this issue. Share your thoughts or experiences in the comment section below.
If you liked the articles, Please share it below!