Whoever said dating and finding love after fifty is easy probably hasn’t dated much lately or hasn’t yet reached the age of fifty. The struggle is definitely real. If there is anything that I’ve learned about dating it’s the fact that dating after fifty is exciting, challenging and extremely complicated.
After 20 years of marriage and a divorce, I found myself thrust back into the dating world. I quickly learned that dating after fifty is not the same as dating in your twenties, thirties or even forties.
Not only has our minds and bodies changed, but the styles, methods and expectations of dating are very different than they used to be. Dating after fifty can literally be a landmine of complicated situations and circumstances that make finding and maintaining a loving relationship extremely difficult. There a few things I learned along the way that made my journey through that landmine a lot easier below are 7 of my favorite survival tips.
1. Love After Fifty Will Be A Much More Mature Love
In our twenties, what looks like love is drastically different in our fifties. When we were in our twenties finding a compatible partner for many, myself included was more about finding someone who made us look good and feel good. Adjusting to a different perspective on love is difficult for many single women over fifty. I had to learn that I could not date the same way that I did when I was twenty.
Not only did I have to change my perspective, I had to change my expectations about love. For me finding a life partner in my fifties is more about finding someone who not only loves me but supports the vision I have for my life and the legacy I leave behind for my children. It’s about finding someone who connects with me on a more deeper and more richly spiritual level to share my life experiences.
2. Love Is More Than Physical Attraction Or Sexual Chemistry
Dating over fifty highlights the fact that real love is more than physical attraction and sexual chemistry. There is a HUGE difference in love and lust. The older you become the more value you find in real love. Mature love is more about finding someone who bonds with you not only physically, but emotionally and spiritually.
Core values matter more in our fifties. Finding someone who shares our core values carries much more significance as we age. Sharing core values with our partners provides us with a sense consistency and comfort. Both of these things grow more important the older when become.
In order to find someone that lines up with your core beliefs you must spend time reflecting on what you believe and how someone in your life aligns with those beliefs. Instead of looking for someone to “Rock Your World” dating over fifty is more about finding someone who is suitable, willing and capable of helping ” Build Your Portion Of The World Together With You”.
3. Bathe Yourself In Self- Love BEFORE You Start To Date
The harsh fact is that women over fifty are prime targets for emotionally abusive predators. Many emotional abusers perceive women over fifty as being lonely and desperate. I am in no was implying that women over fifty are either desperate or lonely. I am simply stating that there are those who have a perception that women over a certain age are desperately looking for love. Loneliness and desperation are calling cards for emotional abusers. If an emotional abuser sees a potential partner as desperate, they will treat them accordingly.
In order to reduce the risk of falling for an emotionally abusive partner, women over fifty must have a healthy dose of self love in order to walk away from relationships that threaten their self-love, self-dignity and self-respect. As we age, healing from the emotional trauma of an abusive partner is much harder and potentially more detrimental to our overall health and wellbeing.
It is wise to spend time learning how to love yourself enough to say no to emotional abuse BEFORE you start dating in your fifties. If you are lonely take some time to deal with being alone and learn to love your time alone. It will require work but it will be worth it. If you need to seek counseling for guidance, there’s no shame in seeking advice and techniques on how to practice more self love and positive self esteem. Healthy self-love isn’t selfish, it’s a requirement for healthy satisfying relationships at any age.
4. Be Very Cautious When Online Dating
For many, online dating is a great source for meeting potential partners. It was not a good fit for me as online dating sites are full of emotional abusers looking for victims. I grew tired of having to weed through the good guys and the volumes of those who just weren’t a fit for me at all. Women over fifty are at higher risks of being conned, in m experience. There are potential suitors who comb online dating sites looking for women they can prey on.
If you choose this method don’t forget to pack a lot of caution and a lot of patience. Expect to shift through a lot more potential suitors who may simply may be looking for either a “good time” or to prey on women they perceive as being lonely and desperate. There are still great men out there who are looking for the same thing that you are looking for. After fifty, they will just be harder to find. Learning to use your time and energy wisely, is key to finding what you want without losing your mind.
5. Get Over The Fear of Being Alone
Break the chain of fear of being alone. Set yourself free from fear. Being alone is the number one fear of single women hands down. I get that it is an extremely valid and real concern; However, here’s the thing, fear can drive you straight to desperation. Being alone isn’t the worst thing that can happen. Being with an emotionally abusive partner who disrespects you, abuses you, doesn’t love you or simply uses you can be the worst thing that can happen.
Dating and finding healthy love is not about starting at a place of desperation. It is about starting at a healthy place in life to attract someone who makes the light already inside of you shine brighter. Learning the difference in being romantically alone and being lonely is key to being in a healthy place to begin dating in your fifties. Just because you are not linked to someone romantically does not mean you will be destined for a life of solitude and loneliness. The choice to be lonely will be up to you. Make the most of your life no matter what your relationship status maybe.
6. Know What You Want And Don’t Be Afraid To Ask For It
From the very beginning it’s helps to know exactly what you want and don’t be afraid to ask for it. From the very start of a new relationship be clear about what you are looking for in an unemotional and nonjudgmental way. You must be willing to risk losing someone who either can’t or won’t give that to you. Don’t rush the relationship but do make it clear from the beginning that if the two of you are not on the same page it simply would not be a good fit for you. Be confident in what you want and your worthiness to deserve a loving partner.
If a potential suiter can not give you what you want in the natural progression of a relationship it’s simply a waste of valuable and precious time. Trying to convince someone that you are worthy of something they have no intention of ever giving in the first place is wasted energy. A man who wants to be in your life will find a way to give you what you want, WITHOUT excuses.
Someone who has serious intentions where you are concerned will either honor your request or simply step off. If they decide to step off then you haven’t lost anything but a waste of your time. When you are over fifty, every day and every wasted moment matters. Know the value of your time and don’t give it away cheaply.
7. Fall In Love With Your Life
After all of the necessary work has been done to fully get over the fear of being alone and you love yourself unconditionally the next thing is to fall in love with your life. Get out of the house, find other like minded people who love to do what you love to do. Join meetup groups or start your own. Take up an exciting new hobby or adult education class to explore a new passion. A great way to stop focusing on what we don’t have is to also find a way to give back to others in way that makes of feel good and useful.
Being single is not a disease to be cured. Being single is a time to find out who you are, what you love and do it.
When I stopped worrying about finding someone to love me, I learned to love myself fully, love my life and wonderful things starting happening for me. Not only did I find myself, but I unexpectedly found someone that adored me simply because I am who I am . In fact, he told me that the thing that attracted him the most about me was my passion for life.
Passionate people who can find a reason to love their lives whether they are romantically linked are not, appear more confident. and self assured. They are more mysterious. A little mystery is sexy. Quality potential partners are curious about you and what makes your life so interesting. They simply can’t resist finding out more about you and what you have to smile about. They are looking for a exciting life partner. Just remember not to let appearance of being happy become more important than actually living happily and you’ll be well on your way.
Dating and finding love is challenging but is certainly not impossible. Finding someone to share your life experiences after fifty can be wonderfully exciting and fulfilling; However, for me sacrificing my self-love, self-dignity and self-respect was simply off the table in order to find it. I am glad that I believed I was worthy of finding someone who thinks I’m kind of cool for having the audacity to just be me. Here’s wishing you peace in seeking boldness in your journey to find yourself and a love that honors you without losing the love your have for yourself. Happy Fifties Dating!